(***SMOOOOCH*** An unknown woman kisses the screen, leaving lipstick marks which soon transform into a glowing red UWA logo, which remains on screen for a few moments before fading into blackness.

Apocalypse Now! (12/18/05)

VJ: THIS IS IT!!! DIAMOND’S GOING FOR THE KILL!

DD: Oh my gosh, Dark!  Hold on!  Hold on!

VJ: Diamond with Desires in the buckle and here it is!!!  DIAMOND DROP COMING UP...

DD: No...OH!

VJ: Desires able to push her free, and drop Di with a basement dropkick!  Diamond favoring that knee...

DD: Look, Vince!  Look!

VJ:  Dark Combination! Desires looking for the KICK—SHE MISSES!!!  DIAMOND ABLE TO DUCK—AND SHE ROLLS HER UP WITH A SCHOOLGIRL!! DIAMOND...DIAMOND WITH DESIRES BACK ON HER FEET—

DD: Oh my God!  Vince—

VJ:  SHE’S LOOKING FOR THE DIAMOND BREAKER!!! DIAMOND...DIAMOND’S GOT DESIRES UP...OH! Dark able to roll free!  Into the ropes goes Diamond...Desires ducks a clothesline...from the other si—

DD: OH!!!!  Did you see that?!

VJ: DESIRES JUST SCORED WITH THE BIG KICK!!!! DIAMOND...

DD: SHE DAMN NEAR TOOK HER HEAD OFF, VINCE!!!

VJ: Diamond trying to fight to her feet—

DD: She’s knocked goofy, Vince!  She don’t know—OH!

VJ: Desires with another kick...Desires...DARK COMBINATION!!!! DESIRES JUST SCORED...1...2...3!!!!!!

DD: HAHAHA!!!!

Ding Ding Ding!!!

Announcer: Here is your winner, and still the Universal Women’s Champion...DARKEST DESIRES!!!!

VJ: Darkest Desires...escapes this thing with her life, and her title intact.

Later that Night!

VJ: ALYSSA TRYING TO CLIMB OVER THE TOP OF THE CAGE BUT SHE’S CAUGHT!!!  TINA WITH A HANDFUL OF HAIR...OH!!!  SLAMMING ALYSSA’S HEAD AGAINST THE TOP OF THE CAGE...ONCE AGAIN!!!  TINA WITH ALYSSA...

DD: Now wait a minute...what is she...?

VJ:  Tina...HOISTING ALYSSA UP...

DD: NO WAY, VINCE!!! NO WAY!!!

VJ: Tina...the strength of this amazon...don’t tell me she’s gonna...Tina...THEY’RE OVER 15 FEET IN THE AIR—

DD: NO!!!!!

(The crowd cheers wildly, and chants of “Holy Sh*t echo throughout the building)

VJ: GORILLA PRESS!!! FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE!!!!  TINA!!!!!

DD: OH MY GOD, ALYSSA!!!! ALYSSA!!!!! (cries)

VJ: Alyssa is done...Tina is home free...Tina...

DD: Go on, you stupid b*tch, you’ve done enough!

VJ: Tina’s got this thing one, but...Tina...

DD: What’s she thinking?!?!

VJ: Tina high atop the cage!  Tina...measuring Alyssa...

DD: Oh no!  Hell no, the idiot!  She wouldn’t!!!

VJ:  Tina...these fans coming to their feet!!!  Tina from the cage...TINA...

DD: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

 (The footage goes to slow motion as Tina leaps from the cage, her chisled frame bathed in a sea of camera flashes as she descends to the ring below. The screen goes black before she connects, however; thunderous chants of “SU-PER-WO-MAN” can be heard in the background as the crowd goes wild.  As the crowd noises fade out, the CHIX opening video plays, set the tune of Yummy Bingham’s “Come Get It.” We then cut to the sold out crowd in Houston, where fans are cheering and holding up signs as pink and purple fireworks explode near the entrance set.  When the fireworks stop, the camera pans the crowd, picking up signs such as “Merry CHIX-mas”, “SUPERWOMAN,” and “Tina/Clinton ‘08.”  The cameras then cut down to ringside, where Rosie Sanchez and Delaware Dave are seated.)

RS: Merry CHIX-mas indeed!!! Welcome to UWA CHIX, ladies and gentlemen!  We hope you’ve all experienced a feliz navidad, but get ready, get set for the hottest female wrestling action on the planet!!! I’m your host, Rosie Sanchez, and to my right...

DD: Yeah, AT LAST! For months all the broads in the back have been asking, they’ve been hoping, they’ve been begging to see Delaware Dave live and in person!  Hell, poor Shyanne’s been calling my house nonstop, just begging for a chance to get close and experience the Daveness!  Well never fear, D-Ware is here!  And I know you’re happy to see me, Rosie!

RS: (forced smile) You bet!  Delaware Dave our special guest for the evening, and Dave, I just hope you’re on your best behavior here tonight!

DD: ME?! Rosie, I’m hurt!  I mean...I’m just here to see some hot female action!

RS: Yeah, I bet you are!  And we’re gonna get it here tonight!  Tonight, fans, the Universal Women’s Champion will be here!  Darkest Desires will be in tag action right here tonight, teaming with her fellow Sister of Destruction, Kammy!

DD: Yeah! It’s a great Christmas in the Black Blood household…if they celebrate Christmas, that is! Desires finally beating that skank Diamond once and for all to prove why she is the number one woman in the game, and then Enygma capturing the Universal Title from Rage last week!

RS: Yeah, it was an eventful night for Black Blood one week ago, and the SoD look to keep that momentum going here tonight!  And then, fans, we’ve got the Women’s Tag Team Title up for grabs! Tonight it’ll be Simply Luscious, Vicky and Veronica, defending against Sherry Bop and a mystery partner! Sherry’s been a thorn in the side of Simply Luscious for a while now—since beating Veronica one-on-one a few months ago—and they made the challenge not too long ago!  Simply Luscious against Sherry and any partner she can dig up, and if Sherry doesn’t win, then she is gone from the UWA!

DD: And I’d love to see that! I’ve seen this Sherry chick in action—you probably won’t find a better example of the ills of inbreeding anywhere you look in the UWA!  I can’t wait to see her run outta the UWA with her tail tucked between her legs!  But Rosie, who’s her partner?

RS: I dunno! We’ve seen her associated with Jade in recent weeks!  They’ve been impressive in tag team outings, and the smart money is on her being Sherry’s partner!

DD: Who?

RS: Jade.

DD: WHO?!

RS: JADE!!!

DD: WHO??!?!

RS: (sighs) Fans, let’s take you down to ringside for our opening match.

“Deadly Candy” Alyssa Sanders vs. Trinity

(Red and white spotlights swarm the arena as “Keep it Down” by Kelis hits the PA system.  The crowd pops big as Trinity rushes out to the stage dressed in all red with a Santa hat on her head.  She goes into her trademark pose as a string of fireworks explode behind her.)

Announcer: Our opening contest on UWA CHIX is scheduled for one fall!  Introducing first, from the Long Island, NY, weighing in at 130 pounds...TRINITY!!!!!

RS: Trinity, a former two-time Women’s Tag Team Champion, kicking us off here tonight on CHIX!  She’ll be going up against her one-time tag team partner, Alyssa Sanders!

DD: Yeah, the love of my life!

RS: Is the wedding still on, Dave?

DD: You bet your sweet ass it is, Rosie!  I’d drink that woman’s bathwater!

RS: (laughs) Well Dave, this’ll be our first time seeing Alyssa in action...actually our first time seeing her at all since she took that nasty beating from Tina inside that Steel Cage at Apocalypse Now!  Tina finally able to exact some revenge from Deadly Candy, and you have to wonder just what kind of shape Alyssa’s in here tonight!

DD: Yeah, and I actually don’t know if this is a smart move from Alyssa!  I mean, I love her to death, but I was there at ringside for that match!  I saw what kinda toll Tina took on her!  And especially coming in here tonight against Trinity, Tina’s best friend...I just think she’d have been better off sitting this one out, Rosie!

RS: Well we’ll find out, as we await Deadly Candy!

(Now in the ring, Trinity hits off the ropes, warming up.  Suddenly...

***IF ONLY WE COULD FLYYYYYYYYYYY***

“My Generation” by Limp Bizkit hits the PA system and a roar of boos comes up from the crowd. Pink spotlights shine upon the stage, and the boos go a decibel higher as Alyssa Sanders steps out onto the stage.  She looks to be in horrible shape: aside from having visible bruises on her face and torso, she’s got a nasty scar on her head, the result of being busted open by Tina in the cage match.  She glowers Trinity’s way as she marches to ringside with purpose.)

Announcer: Her opponent, hailing from Boston, MA, weighing in tonight at 103 pounds: “DEADLY CANDY”...ALYSSSSSSAAAAA SSSSSSAAAANDEEEERSSSS!!!!

RS: Deadly Candy definitely looking the worse for wear...OH!  And she’s not wasting any time!

Ding Ding Ding!!!

RS: Alyssa...Alyssa hit the ring and she just blindsided Trinity, Dave!  Alyssa is all over Trinity!

DD: HAHA!  I love it, Rosie!  Look at her!  She’s pissed the hell off...OH!

RS: Alyssa...repeatedly ramming Trinity’s head into the canvas...Trin—OH!

DD: HAHA! I’m not gonna lie, Rosie: Alyssa looks like hell tonight!  But she’s determined to come out here and make Trinity look worse...she didn’t have that far to go, though!  HAHA!

RS: Trinity, as you noted, Dave, is Tina’s best friend!  Perhaps that’s some extra motivation for her tonight!

DD: Yeah...a direct message to Tina! Look at this—

RS: Irish whip sends Trinity to the buckle...Alyssa...measuring her now...OH! She charged in and got caught, as Trinity...NICE SUNSET FLIP COUNTER!!! SHOULDERS ARE DOWN—NO!  Alyssa almost got caught there as Trinity—ARM DRAG TAKEDOWN CATCHES HER!  Alyssa to her feet—AND SHE GETS CAUGHT WITH A HIPTOSS!  Trinity now...booted to the canvas by Alyssa!  Alyssa now...both women back to their feet...she charges in—misses with a clothesline...crescent kick by Trinity sends Alyssa tumbling to the outside, Dave!  And what about this?!

DD: Ya know Rosie, seeing Trinity out here really puts me in the Christmas spirit!  I see her and can’t think of anything but “ho, ho, ho”!

RS: I see your material writers are working overtime this week!  As Trinity now...Alyssa trying to gather herself on the outside...Trinity really tagged her with that last shot...and she may be preparing for another!  Trinity...from the ring measuring Alyssa—

DD: Look out, Alyss—AHH!

RS: Slingshot dropkick through the ropes by Trinity...Alyssa caught those feet right in her face—

DD: Right in that bruised cheek!

RS: And Trinity...she doesn’t look to be done here...Trinity from the apron...

DD: Watch it Alyssa...HOLY...

RS: TRINITY...RUNNING DROPKICK FROM THE APRON!!!

DD: Now this ain’t right, damn it!  She’s taking advantage of an injured woman!

RS: Well...definitely, like you said, a questionable move by Alyssa to take this match so soon after that battle with Tina last Sunday night!

DD: Yeah. It’s a show of the kinda championship spirit Alyssa has, but...what is this idiot doing now?!

RS: Trinity back to the apron—

DD: She’s gonna kill herself if she’s not careful...hey! Go for it, Trinity!

RS: Will you stop?!  Trinity on the apron measuring Alyssa once more!  Alyssa...back to her feet...

DD: Look at this...OH!

RS: Nobody home for the moonsault...Trinity able to land on her feet—BUT SHE GETS NAILED WITH A CLOTHESLINE FROM ALYSSA!  Deady Candy...and she is all over Trinity yet again!

DD: Yeah!  None of that fancy pants flying from her either! Ooh!

RS: Hard kick to the face by Alyssa, and now look at her...scratching and clawing at the face of Trinity!  Alyssa...Alyssa trying to disfigure this woman!

DD: She was disfigured long before she got here, Rosie!  Please!

RS: Alyssa with Trinity now...on her feet!  Alyssa...oh no....oh—

DD: WAIT—

RS: THE COUGH DROP!!!!

DD: ON THE FLOOR?!

RS: Alyssa just gave Trinity the Cough Drop on the floor—

DD: That’s it right there!  Stick a fork in her ass, Rosie!

RS: I will do no such thing!

DD: Then let me! (stands up)

RS: No, you behave yourself! (shoves Dave down) Trinity is down and hurt on the outside, as referee Jenkins...ordering Alyssa back into the ring...

DD: Rosie, I don’t think she’s done!  I don’t think...oh boy!

RS: Oh hell!  Alyssa...Alyssa pulling up those ringside mats!

DD: I love it, Rosie!  We’re fixing to play a game of “maim the dame”!  HAHA!

RS: This isn’t funny damn it!  Alyssa with Trinity yet again...c’mon ref!  Don’t let her...don’t let her do this—

DD: HAHA!!!! MEEEEERRRRRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

RS: COUGH DROP...DAMN IT, SHE JUST DID IT ON THE EXPOSED CONCRETE!!!! What the hell...

DD: And did you see her face hit, Rosie!  That was beautiful!

RS:  That was sickening, as Alyssa rolls back into the ring...Trinity still down on the floor...oh no!

DD: She’s busted, Rosie!

RS: That nose of Trinity’s bleeding...definitely not the way she wanted to spend her holiday!

DD: I can’t say the same!  If nothing else, this makes my holiday complete, Rosie!

RS: Trinity...gotta give her credit here!  Trinity still trying to fight back to her feet...trying to get back into the ring...

DD: Yeah, but look at Alyssa!  I think she wants to dish out more punishment...look...OOOH!

RS: Hard kick to the head of Trinity!  Another...Alyssa now dragging Trinity into the ring!  Trinity now...OOH! Right hand catches Alyssa...another!  Trinity...trying to mount a comba—

DD: HAHA!

RS: Drop toehold by Alyssa...Trinity back to the canva—OH NO!!!!!

DD: DID YOU HEAR THAT?!

RS: HARD KICK RIGHT TO THAT FACE—

DD: RIGHT TO THE NOSE...RIGHT TO THE...LOOK AT ALYSSA!!

RS: ALYSSA RELENTLESSLY POUNDING THE FACE OF TRINITY!!! THAT BLOODIED FACE—

DD: And she’s going right for that injury!  Right for...GET OUTTA THE WAY, DAMN IT!

RS: Referee Jenkins trying to step in...trying to get Alyssa off of her...Alyssa’s just relentlessly attacking Trinity here...Alyssa...ANOTHER HARD KICK TO THE HEAD OF TRINITY!!!  Another...Trinity...

DD: She don’t even know where she is, Rosie—

RS: AND NOW ALYSSA POUNDING AWAY AGAIN!!! THOSE RAPID-FIRE RIGHTS...ALYSSA...SHE IS ABSOLUTELY BEATING THE HELL OUTTA TRINITY!  Referee Jenkins...Steph--

Ding Ding Ding!!!

RS: And the ref...Stephanie Jenkins just called for the bell, and I think she’s just stopped this one!  Trinity...she is hurt and hurt bad, folks!

Announcer: The referee has stopped this bout and awarded the victory to “DEADLY CANDY” ALYSSA SANDERS!!!!!  **Cue “My Generation”

DD: HAHA!  What about that, Rosie!  And you were worried Alyssa wasn’t in the shape to compete! Shame on you for doubting her, Rosie!

RS: (rolls eyes) Alyssa...impressive way to rebound after that loss to Tina as Trinity...

DD: Her nose may be broken!

RS: I think you’re right!  Alyssa absolutely vicious in this one as Referee Jenkins...say what you will about her, Dave, but she was thinking of Trinity’s well being in this one...hey wait a minute—

DD: I don’t think she’s done, Rosie!

RS: Alyssa...she just grabbed a chair...c’mon!  Alyssa...she’s headed into the ring with that chair Alyssa...c’mon no!  No—

*CRACK*

DD: HAHAHA!!!!!!! STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!!!!!!!!

RS: ALYSSA JUST NAILED TRINITY RIGHT IN THE HEAD WITH THAT CHAIR!!! AGAIN!!! ALYSSA—

DD: I love it!  This Christmas just gets better and better, Rosie!

RS: I can’t believe...Alyssa with that chair now...and with Trinity by the hair...what the hell...what the hell is she fixing to...

DD: LOOK AT THIS—

*CRUNCH*

RS: OH MY GOD!!! COUGH DROP USING THE CHAIR!!!! TRINITY’S FACE—

DD: LISTEN TO HER SCREAM!!!

RS: This is horrible!  This is...Trinity’s blood all over that chair—AND ALYSSA JUST NAILED STEPHANIE!!!!!  REFEREE JENKINS JUST FLOORED WITH THAT CHAIR!!!! We’ve got officials out here...Alyssa trying to keep them at bay!

DD: This is so great, Rosie!  This is so...oh my gosh, I think she’s gonna do it again!

RS: No C’MON!!!! Alyssa...this sore sport...she’s got Trinity again...don’t let her do it again...don’t--

DD: Who the hell—

RS: ALEXIS!!! TRINITY’S TAG PARTNER, ALEXIS LAREE—

DD: LOOK OUT, ALYSSA—

RS: OOH!!!!! BIG CLOTHESLINE BY ALEXIS JUST FLOORED ALYSSA!!! Alyssa...back to her feet and she’s tagged with a right hand!  Another!  DROPKICK FROM ALEXIS SENDS HER DOWN!!!  Alexis now with that chair—AND ALYSSA...ALYSSA GETTING OUTTA DODGE!!!  Alyssa...thank God Alexis was able to arrive here when she did!  Unfortunately, Dave, it looks like the damage has already been done to Trinity!

DD: Yeah, look at her, Rosie!  She’s gotta have a broken nose!

RS: Alyssa...look at that look on her face!  That evil...what a bitter human being!

DD: Yeah, you’re gonna keep up and she’ll do the same thing to you!

RS: Alexis looking after her partner here...oh my!  Fans...fans, we’ve gotta take a commercial break...keep it locked, fans!  More CHIX when we return!

***COMMERCIAL***

CHIX FLIX!

Apocalypse Now! (Last Sunday)

VJ: I can’t believe it!!!  Kammy coming to the aid of Darkest Desires!!! Damn it, Diamond had her on the run! Diamond seemed just moments away from pulling this thing out...I can’t believe it! And now look at Desires here...holding Diamond...Kammy...she’s got the Women’s Title—

DD: Bye bye, Diamond! 

VJ: I can’t believe it’s gonna end—OH MY!!!!!

DD: WHAT?!?!

VJ: SHE HIT DESIRES!!! KAMMY HIT DESIRES!!! DIAMOND WITH A HANDFUL OF HAIR SENDS KAMMY TO THE OUTSIDE!!!

DD: Oh no!  Dark!! DARK!

(When the video ends, we to as Commissioner Laurer and a group of officials can be seen arguing with Deadly Candy in the parking lot)

RS: Fans, welcome back to CHIX!  Rosie Sanchez and Delaware Dave on the mic!  Already a controversial evening this Christmas night, as we take a look at what went down during the commercial break!  Commissioner Laurer removing Alyssa Sanders from the building...for those of you who missed it, Alyssa kicked off CHIX here tonight by...absolutely assaulting Trinity in our opening match!  Trinity being treated in the back for a broken nose...thank God Alexis was here, because who knows how far Alyssa would’ve gone—

DD: Rosie please! You sit here trying to convince all these morons to feel sorry for Trinity just because she got a little bloody!  Big deal!  Look at what Alyssa had to go through!  After being locked in a cage like an animal and savagely beaten by that overgrown bi—

RS: Hey-HEY!

DD: Hey my ass, Rosie!  After what Alyssa had to go through, she was able to shake it off, and she still had the strength—

RS: I’m not gonna argue with you, Dave!  Alyssa...just a bitter, bitter assault on Trinity, and now it looks like she’s outta here!  Commissioner Laurer removing Alyssa from the building...

DD: Amazing!

 (We cut to the interview area, where we see UWA interviewer Sophie standing alongside Diamond.  The crowd pops big when Diamond’s image appears on the UniversalTron)

Sophie: Fans, I’m back here with Diamond!  As we all know, Di, last week you did battle with Darkest Desires for the Universal Women’s Title.  You’ve been chasing the title for months now, and you came SO close, but unfortunately, last Sunday night just wasn’t your night!  Just wondering what your thoughts are on that match, as well as your future in the UWA.

Diamond: Well, Sophie, I won’t take anything away from Dark. I’ve travelled up and down the roads with the girl for over a year and a half, and I’d be lying if I said that she didn’t deserve that Women’s Title belt, even after all the crap she’s been pulling for the past 6 months or so!  No doubt, Dark, you got your win, and I congratulate you!  But if you think for one second that you’re keeping me down for the count, then you can’t be more mistaken!  You see, when they call me the Toughest Woman You’ll Ever Meet, that’s not just a marketing slogan!  When I get knocked down, when I get beaten up, you can bet your ass that I’ll be getting right back up, and right back on the hunt!  So yeah Dark, you may have beaten me last week, but it’s only a matter of time before—

Pandora: (off camera) HO, HO, HO!!! HEE, HEE, HEE!

Diamond: What the...

(Diamond turns to her right with a scowl as Pandora enters the picture. She’s wearing foam reindeer antlers, a red Rudolph nose, a plaid skirt, fishnet stockings, black boots, and an “ORIGINAL S.I.N.” tanktop. She smiles as she approaches Diamond, who looks less than pleased by her presence)

Pandora: Why the long face, luv?!  T’is Christmas!  Look...care for a kiss under the mistletoe?

(Pandora pulls a mistletoe out from behind her back, which Di promptly slaps from her hand)

Pandora: That wasn’t very nice!

Diamond: Look, Pandy: I don’t have time for your crap! 

Pandora: Aww luv?! Where’s your Christmas spirit?! HAHA?!

Diamond: Would you get the hell outta here?!?!? Would you…

(Pandora picks up the mistletoe and again raises it towards Diamond. With Di’s eyes focused on the object, Pandy takes the opportunity to attack)

DD: Wait a minute!

RS: Oh!  Pandy...that damn lunatic Pandora is attacking Diamond backstage! Pandora—

DD: Can you believe—

RS: OH DIAMOND!!! DIAMOND’S FIGHTING BACK!!! DIAMOND...DIAMOND AND PANDORA!!! DIAMOND AND PANDORA—

DD: THIS IS GREAT!!! OH!

RS: Pandora just tossed into the interview set, as now these officials...once again...now trying to keep Pandora and Diamond apart!

DD: What a night, Rosie?! Can you believe this?!

RS: And we’re not even close to being done!  What more can happen here tonight on CHIX?!

Sisters of Destruction vs. April Hunter and Gail Kim

(“The Way You Like It” by Adema hits the PA system, and the arena lights go out, with purple and green spotlights shining upon the arena.  Smoke fills the entranceway, and a roar of boos rise up from the crowd as Kammy struts out onto the stage with Darkest Desires following closely behind.  Desires has an evil smile on her face as she stands atop the stage, the Universal Women’s title belt gripped in both hands. Then, just as the song’s first verse begins, she raises the title belt high into the air—

***BOOOM...BOOOM...BOOOM***

--white sparks fire up from the entrance ramp, rocking the arena to its core.  Desires smiles once more before putting the belt back over her shoulder and heading down the ramp to ringside)

Announcer: The following tag team contest is set for one fall!  Introducing first, representing BLACK BLOOD, please welcome KAMMY and the Universal Women’s Champion, DARKEST DESIRES! They are collectively known as the SISTERS OF DESTRUCTION!!

(As the SoD continue their path to ringside, the cameras focus on the ring, where April and Gail can be seen)

Announcer: Their opponents: First, from Norristown, PA, this is APRIL HUNTER!!!! Her tag team partner, hailing from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, GAAAAIL KIIIIIM!!!!

(Gail and April raise their arms, receiving a mild pop in return as meanwhile, Desires and Kammy enter the ring.  As they do so, Desires and Kammy remove their respective entrance gears, with Desires handing her Title belt over to a ringside attendant.  The arena lights return to normal, the music dies down, and referee John Finnegan calls for the bell)

Ding Ding Ding!!!

RS: Here we go, ladies and gentlemen.  Tag team action on CHIX, with Darkest Desires, the Universal Women’s Champion teaming with her fellow Black Blood stablemate Kammy.  And fans...I’m getting a note on my headset...stay tuned, fans, because after this match, there will be a huge announcement regarding the Women’s Title and Total Annihilation, our next PPV offering in January!

DD: What is it?

RS: I don’t know!  They just said the announcement will be made after this match!

DD: Well, at least we know it won’t take long!

RS: Well...don’t sell the opposition short, Dave!  April and Gail are no slouches.  Gail herself a former WWE Women’s Champion, while April, the training partner of Tina, actually holds a win over Alyssa Sanders, as it looks like Gail and Kammy are gonna start this one off here!  Kammy...Dave, we saw what happened at Apocalypse Now between Desires and Kammy!  Rumor going into this thing that Kammy’s been in the doghouse for the past week or so!

DD: I’ll have you know that that’s not true, Rosie!  I talked to Desires, and she let me know that she specifically requested this match, just to show everybody that there’s complete solidarity within Black Blood...LOOK AT THAT!

RS: Kammy...on that collar and elbow tie-up, just got the better of Gail Kim!

DD: Got the better of her?!  She damn near shoved her through the mat!

RS: Kammy, the larger of the two!  April...there you see her offering to tag in, but Gail’s saying no!  She wants another shot at Kammy!

DD: Idiot! No wonder she only had that little cup of coffee in WWE!  Blink and you woulda missed her...

RS: Another lock up...Kammy and Gail...AND ONCE AGAIN, KAMMY! This time shoving Gail back into the buckle, and she’s proud of herself, Dave!  Kammy is—

DD: Oh Kammy—LOOK OUT—

RS: OH! Dropkick to the knee by Gail!  Kammy is down...Gail follows up with the legdrop to the back of the head of Kammy!  Almost a Rocker Dropper there, and Dave...Kammy’s in trouble!

DD: No, Rosie!  She’s got everything in hand!

RS: Sure doesn’t look like it!  Kammy to her feet—she catches a boot to the midsection!  Gail...Irish whip reversed by Kammy!  Gail off the rope—headscissors—NO!!!  Gail Kim—

DD: What the hell?!

RS: Gail Kim...almost an Octopus stretch here from headscissor position!  Desires into the ring—BUT WATCH APRIL!!! APRIL WITH DESIRES IN AN ABDOMINAL STRETCH!!! WE’VE GOT A DOUBLE SUBMISSION HERE IN THE EARLY GOING!

DD: Damn it, Rosie!  This ain’t right!

RS: The hell it ain’t!  We could see a huge upset right here...OH!  Desires able to take April over with a hiptoss...SHE FOLLOWS UP WITH A DROPKICK RIGHT TO THE FACE OF GAIL KIM! Both holds broken here, as now Desires and Kammy...the looks of relief on their faces!  Kammy has Gail now...scoop up—NO!  Gail with a go-behind...DROPKICK SENDS KAMMY INTO DESIRES!!!

DD: NO!

RS: Schoolgirl by Gail...1...2...NO!  Kickout by Kammy!  Both women to their feet! Kammy—misses a clothesline...Gail from behind yet again—THIS TIME DRIVES KAMMY INTO DESIRES AGAIN! O’CONNOR ROLL...1...2...KICKOUT BY KAMMY ONCE AGAIN...and Gail with a hard right hand!  Another!  Gail with Kammy now...bringing her over to the buckle and there’s the tag to April!  April Hunter now...to the top!  Gail Kim trying to hold Kammy in place...

DD: No fair...AHH!

RS: Oh!  Big time double axehandle right to the back of the head!  Cover by April...not even a one there as she has Kammy down!  Greco-Roman knucklelock by Hunter...Hunter trying to keep Kammy pinned down.  April, as we all know, a former fitness model!  A professional body builder!

DD: Yeah, unfortunately, she’s got a lotta strength in that sexy body of hers!  But you can’t count Kammy out here!  What’s this?!  Oh no—

RS: Japanese Stranglehold now applied to Kammy!  Nice transition from the knucklelock, as there you see Desires on the apron...the Women’s Champ seems none too pleased, Dave!

DD: Well can you blame her?! You’ve got these two little upstarts breaking every rule in the book!

RS: Kammy...she’s got a lot of strength as well, and she’s using it to combat this hold here!  Kammy...she’s back on her feet...Kammy...she’s able to get an arm free...OH!  BUT APRIL...SHORT-ARM CLOTHESLINE CONNECTS!!!  Kammy is down...standing moonsault by Hunter!!! The cover...2...NO! Kammy able to kickout again!!!  Kammy...great resilience by her as Hunter...this time with the figure four headscissors!!!  April Hunter...the name of her game seems to be to wear down Kammy, Dave!

DD: And she’s doing it with a flagrantly illegal move!  I mean, look at her, Rosie!  That move’s been banne—OH!

RS: Oh Desires...Dark in the ring, and she rakes the face of Hunter!  C’mon!

DD: Yeah! 

RS: Desires...unable to take it anymore as she heads back out to the apron...April back to her feet—

DD:  Look out, Dark—OH!

RS: April—

DD: Can you believe she just took a shot at Dark...GET HER KAMMY!!!

RS: Oh...and she does!  Kammy attacking from behind with those big clubbing forearms to the back of April!  Kammy now...Irish whip...April sent in—BUT SHE CATCHES HER COMING OFF WITH A NECKBREAKER!!!

DD: Damn it, Kammy! 

RS: April with the cover...in comes Desires—OH!!! SHE GOT KAMMY!!!

DD: Oh no!!!!

RS: Desires looking to break up the count and caught Kammy with the elbow! April now...Gail Kim into the ring and she nails Desires with a dropkick!  To the floor she goes!

DD: Oh my goodness, Rosie!  I don’t like this!

RS: The momentum firmly in the favor of Gail and April, as April now...with Kammy...INVERTED ATOMIC DROP!  April hoists her up again...

DD: Wait a minute...

RS: Gail Kim now...off the rope...

DD: Refertee--NOOOO!!!

RS: HART ATTACK!!! SHADES OF THE HART FOUNDATION!!!! APRIL WITH THE COVER...1...2...3!!!!!! APR—

DD: NO, NO, NO!!!! SHE KICKED OUT!!!

RS: She did?! Oh my...folks, we were just seconds away from an upset here in Houston!  These fans absolutely on their feet as April now...bringing Kammy back to hers!  April...wow! Headbutt to the head of Kammy! She follows up with a right hand!!!  Irish whip—reversed by Kammy!  Kammy—OH! April had the drop down scouted, and scored with an elbow to the back of Kammy!  April now...quick tag to Gail, and what are we gonna see here?!

DD: More flagrant cheating, no doubt! 

RS:  April with the legs of Kammy...maybe a slingshot coming up...YES—OH!!!! RIGHT INTO THE HARD RIGHT HAND FROM GAIL!!!  Kammy...

DD: That was almost a repeat of what we saw with Trinity earlier!

RS: Kammy is hurt, as Gail climbs to the top here!  These fans...oh this crowd is hot as Gail—

DD: LOOK OUT—OH!!!!

RS: FROM THE TOP...SHE WAS LOOKING FOR THE RANA, AND KAMMY JUST FOLDED HER UP WITH A POWERBOMB!!!! Kammy...

DD: What a move by her!  I told ya she had things well in hand!

RS: Desires now...oh!  Demanding the tag!  She’s hot, folks, and it looks like Kammy’s gonna oblige!

DD: HAHA!  This don’t look good for Ms. Kim!

RS: The tag’s been made...in comes Desires here!  Dark...measuring Gail—OH! Desires...tearing into Gail with those kicks!  Those lighting quick kicks from the Champion!  Desi—OH!  Gail able to catch one of those kicks!  Gail with the leg—OH! ENZUIGIRI FROM DESIRES!!!

DD: HAHA!  I love it...LOOK!

RS: Oh!  There’s a forearm for April!  April...April’s headed into the ring...referee Finnegan trying to keep her at bay—

DD: But look how smart Desires is...

RS: April has the ref’s attention...oh wait a minute!  In comes Kammy now...Desires...Desires with Gail...Kammy to the second rope...

DD: Look at this Rosie...LOO—OOOH!

RS: SPIKE PILEDRIVER!!!!

DD: HAHA!  That’s it, Rosie!  It’s gotta be!

RS:  I think you’re right!  Gail...her head and neck just driven to the mat...and look at the smile on Desires’ face!  Nonchalant cover by the Champion as Finnegan...Referee Finnegan turns around for the count...2...that’s al—NO!!!! SHE GOT THE SHOULDER UP!!!

DD: WHAT?!! YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS!

RS: Desires...she didn’t hook the leg, and Gail was able to kick out!

DD: I ca...you’ve gotta be kidding me!  You can’t tell me that wasn’t three! 

RS: Gail...apparently still with some fight left in her as she tries...Gail trying to fight to her feet here...desperately trying to get her wits about her...

DD: But look at Desires...OH!

RS: DARK COMBINATION!!! THE SAME SEQUENCE SHE USED TO BEAT DIAMOND...AND SHE COMPLETES IT!!! Dark Combination to Kim...2...and that’s all!!!

Ding Ding Ding!!! **Cue “The Way You Like It”

Announcer: Here are your winners: THE SISTERS OF DESTRUCTION!!!!!!

RS: The Sisters of Destruction pick up the win in a close one, Dave!

DD: Please, Rosie!  It was only a matter of time before Desires managed to pull this thing out!

RS: Still, give credit to Hunter and Kim here.  Gail unbelievably able to survive that spike piledriver…by all rights it should’ve been over right there.

(April looks after the injured Gail Kim while on the floor, Kammy retrieves the Universal Women’s Title belt from the timekeeper.  Upon receiving it, she promptly carries it over to Desires, who stands victorious in the ring.  Desires looks none too pleased as she snatches the championship from her fellow Sister of Destruction.)

RS: What’s this here?  Darkest Desires...Desires seemingly taking issue with Kammy!

DD: Damn it Rosie!  What did I tell you earlier?!  There’s absolute solidarity within Black Blood!  Absolu—

*SLAP*

RS and DD: OOOOH!

DD: What the—

(Shock fills the sold-out arena after Desires connects with a thunderous slap to the face of her tag partner.  The music abruptly stops, and Kammy’s tear-filled eyes widen as Desires grabs her by the throat and begins screaming at her.  Then, she shoves her hard to the mat, leveling an evil gaze her way as she exits the ring.)

RS: Ladies and gentlemen...I can’t believe this!  The Sisters of Destruction may have just disintegrated before our very eyes!

(Initially stunned, Kammy quickly wipes her eyes and returns to her feet.  Her face hardens as she turns and locks eyes with Desires, who is now standing on the floor.  Her eyes remain fixed on her for a few moments; then...without saying any words...

RS: WAIT A MINUTE!!!!

DD: HAHAHA!!!!

RS: KAMMY!!! KAMMY ASSAULTING APRIL FROM BEHIND!!! APRIL WAS CHECKING ON HER PARTNER...C’MON!!!

DD: I love it!  The SoD are alive and well...OH!

RS: April trying to fight back here!  April...trying to fight Kammy off—OH!  But Kammy with a rake to the face...as Darkest Desires looks on...

DD: This night just gets crazier and crazier...look at this!

RS: Kammy...she just took off that spiked choker of hers...Kammy...OH A CLOTHESLINE!!! Down goes April!  April is down...Kammy...with those spikes—

DD: She’s fixing to go bobbing for blood, Rosie!

RS: Oh c’mon now!  Kammy exposing the face of April...tell me she’s not—

DD: OH NO!

RS: TINA!!! THE SUPERWOMAN...TINA IS HERE—

DD: LOOK OUT KAMMY—

RS: OH!!! TINA!!!

DD: FROM BEHIND!!!

RS: Tina...preventing Kammy from doing harm to April! Tina is here...she ducks the clothesline from Kammy, and now Tina...with forearms...

DD: OH!!!

RS: HARD EUROPEAN UPPERCUT RATTLES THE JAW!!!  Kammy’s in trouble here...Desires still looking on as—

DD: OH NO!!!

RS: TINA HAS KAMMY UP!!!!  TINA...WITH KAMMY HOISTED HIGH ABOVE HER HEAD—

DD: DON’T YOU DARE!!! DON’T YOU DA—NOOOOOO!!!!!

RS: OH MY GOODNESS!!!  TINA...SHE JUST GORILLA PRESS KAMMY OUT TO THE ARENA FLOOR, AND LISTEN TO THIS CROWD!!! THESE PEOPLE HERE IN HOUSTON ARE GOING CRAZY!!!

DD: Tina’s the one who’s crazy!  Poor Kammy!

RS: And look at Desires...Desires not doing a thing to help out Kammy...Desires is actually leaving ringside!

(Indeed, the Champion is now making her way to the locker room, coldly stepping over the body of her fallen tag partner in doing so. She gets midway up the ramp when--

Tina: OH NO-NO-NO!!!  DON’T THINK FOR A SECOND I’M LETTING YOU GET AWAY THAT EASY!!!!

(The crowd pops BIG as Desires stops dead in her tracks, slowly turning and locking eyes with Tina.  Wearing tight blue jeans, knee-high black boots, and a white dress shirt, Tina is breathing deep, rapid breaths as she glares down at her rival.  She raises the mic to her lips and continues.)

Tina: See I’ve been stuck in a crowded airport ALLLL DAY long, waiting HOURS surrounded by sick and sniffling people, dealing with a faulty heating system, bratty ass kids driving me up the wall...(chuckles) I’m JUST NOW starting to regain the feeling in my toes after being stuck in that cold ass place!  I FINALLY get flight outta that hellhole and arrive here in Houston—JETLAGGED TO HELL—and to make matters worse, I arrive here just in time to find my friend with a broken nose!  So please understand if my Christmas spirit is somewhat lacking! 

(A sly smile from the Superwoman elicits some cheers from the crowd.  Tina paces the ring as she continues.)

Tina: But Desires, honey...OOOOH what I’ve got in store for you here tonight...heh...it’s almost makes up for everything!

(The crowd clamors somewhat as on the ramp, Desires’ glare sharpens, a trace of uneasiness displaying itself in her face.)

Tina: Ya see Dark...for the past four months you’ve been walking around with that Women’s Title, and...well, you can ask around!  Ask anybody—from the tundras of Alaska to the beaches of Florida...from the streets of New York City to Houston—bah gawd—Texas (BIG pop)—you pick anybody from anywhere in the world, and they will tell you the exact same thing: the UWA Women’s Championship—without a shadow of a doubt—BELONGS TO ME!!!

(The crowd pops once more, and chants of “SUP-ER-WO-MAN” around booming throughout the arena. By now, Desires’ budding uneasiness has transformed to a nasty scowl.)

Tina: (chuckles) Yeah, you twist your face up, Dark!  You and I both know that the only reason you have that belt is because I’ve allowed it!  Because I’ve had other business to attend!  Well ya know something Darky-baby...that other business done, and now it’s time for me to get back what’s rightfully mine!  Ya see, Dark...it’s already been settled, and it’s my pleasure to announce to you that on January 15, 2006, you I are gonna square off one more time at Total Annihilation; the Universal Women’s Championship will be on the line!!!!  (crowd pops) 

RS: Oh man!  That’s huge news!  Absolutely huge!

Tina: (giggles) Oh...and Desires...honey...that match will also be...A DEATH MATCH! (crowd goes wild)

DD: WHAT!?!?!?!

Tina: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

(“Only U” by Ashanti hits the PA system as on the floor, Desires looks livid)

RS: Oh my goodness ladies and gentlemen!  What a blockbuster—

DD: No way Rosie!  No way!  That can’t be true!  That can’t...how can...

RS: Tina announced it, and our producers are confirming it over my headset!  January 15^th, Total Annihilation, Tina and Desires square off in a Death Match—the same type of match Tina won the title in at last year’s Total Annihilation!

DD: This isn’t fair!  Screw decking the halls; she’s trying to stack the deck against Desires!

RS: What a match that’s gonna be, folks!  Oh my!

(Cameras cut back to the locker room, where numerous officials and medical staff can be seen franticly running through the hallways.  Sophie enters the picture, signaling down official Danny Davis.)

Sophie: What’s going on—

Davis: (excitedly) IT’S JADE!!!

Sophie: WHO?!

Davis: I CAN’T TALK! SOMETHING HAPPENED TO JADE!!! THEY GOT HER!!!!  (runs off)

Sophie: WHO GOT WHO?!?!?  DANNY!!!

(Sophie follows the stream of officials as we fade to commercial.)

***Commercial***

***DONCHA WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE ME?!?!***

(“Doncha” by the Pussycat Dolls plays over the PA system as Vicky and Veronica, Simply Luscious, make their way to ringside with the Women’s Tag Team Titles over their shoulders.  Accompanying them to the ring is the black-gloved Latin Mercenary, Mercedes Martinez.)

RS: Fans, we’re back on...(distracted) CHIX...already (distracted)...a wild evening as—DAMN IT, DAVE, IF YOU DON’T GET DOWN FROM THERE—

DD: (Vogue-ing on top of the announce table) Please Rosie!  Don’t front!  You know you love this song!

RS: (shoves Dave into his seat) Yeah well, that’s not my concern right now!  We’re supposed to be having a Women’s Tag Title match here!  It’s supposed to be Sherry Bop and a partner doing battle with Simply Luscious; if Sherry loses she’s out of the company!  But just before we left for break—

(We cut backstage where Sherry Bop, Danny Davis, Sophie, and a host of other officials are looking after a young woman in a shiny green bodysuit who’s rolling around on the floor clutching her knee.)

DD: OH MY GOD! TONYA HARDING STRIKES AGAIN!!! WHY??!! WHYYYYY??!!!!

RS: THAT’S JADE, DAVE!

DD: WHO?!?!

RS: Oh really, damn it!  The woman made it to pay-per-view once!  Remember SlamFest I...she teamed with Darkest Desires, for God’s sake!  I can’t be the only one who...(flags) nevermind!  The story is that we’ve got a woman down and hurt—one of what was already too many here tonight!

DD: Yeah well...there’s nothing I hate more than seeing a pretty lady get hurt, Rosie...luckily for me, that excludes this Jade person!  HAHA!

RS: This sucks, Dave!  As I said earlier, Jade was probably the best bet for Sherry’s tag partner, and she suddenly goes down right before the match!

DD: Yeah, well next time she’ll know better than to pick a worthless alcoholic for a tag partner!  Her and those bloodshot eyes; I see her!

(As we cut back to ringside, Simply Luscious and Mercedes are all in the ring. Veronica has a mic in her hand.)

RS: Well fans, get a good look at Mercedes if you want an idea of what happened backstage!  Mercedes is wearing those working gloves...she’s on the clock here!

DD: Can’t you go five minutes without accusing somebody of something?!  

Veronica: MEEEEERRRRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!!!!!!  (crowd boos) I hope you all are ready for a Christmas treat, as you’re just moments away from seeing Sherry Bop’s last stand!  Now...I saw what happened in the locker room...such a sad thing to happen to anybody...on Christmas night of all nights!  But fans, I beg you not to let that dampen your spirits for what you’re about to see!  See Sherry...(smiles) this has been a moment I’ve been waiting for since the day you first set foot in the UWA, and now it’s finally here!  Now normally I don’t like surprises...but with this being a special occasion—it being Christmas and all—I’m actually looking forward to it!  So Sherry, honey, if you can hear the sound of my voice, (with a mock southern accent) git on out here and show yawl pardner to the world!

RS: Ahh please!  Veronica calling out Sherry Bop—

DD: And this is it, Rosie!  Are you ready?!?!?

(The crowd pops big as that familiar country tune begins to play.  Pink and yellow spotlights shine upon the stage as Sherry Bop steps out from the locker room. Tonight, the normally jubilant Sherry wears upon her face a solemn expression, walking—rather than skipping (as she usually does)—to the ring. Upon arriving, she quickly enters the ring and approaches Veronica, trying desperately to contain her anger.)

Sherry: I’ve never in my life seen a more MEAN—

Veronica: Sherry, Sherry, Sherry...I’m not here for talk; I just wanna know who your partner is!  You *DO* have a partner, right?!

Sherry: (fuming) YOU KNOW ME AND JADE—

Veronica: W-w-wait a minute!  JADE?!?!  But Sherry, you saw what happened in the back...JADE’S HURT!

Vicky: Jade’s being carted off to the hospital as we speak!

Veronica: JADE is yet another tragic, tragic example of the horrors of locker room violence...WHICH NEEDS TO BE STOPPED, BY THE WAY!

Vicky: INCREASE THE PEACE!

Veronica: Erase the hate and all that jazz...(smirks) but Sherry...you mean to tell lil’ ole me that Jade happened to be your partner?!

Sherry: YOU!!! YOU WERE BEHIND THIS!!!!

Veronica: Hey!  I don’t know a thing about what happened in the back...other than it apparently left you without a partner.  Am I understanding that right, Sherry: you no longer have a partner?!

(Sherry says nothing, breathing deep, heavy breaths through clinched teeth.  Vicky and Veronica laugh)

Vicky and Veronica: AWWWW!!!!

Veronica: You poor thing!  I guess without a partner, that means you’ll just have to forfeit the match tonight!

Vicky: Better yet, Ronnie: she could take us on in handicap match!

Veronica: Either way you look at it, little Sherry’s career here in the UWA is ALLLLLL done!  HAHAHA!

(The crowd boos as by now, Sherry seems to be on the verge of tears.  She visually scans the ring, setting her gaze upon Mercedes Martinez before shifting her eyes back to her tormentors.  Suddenly...her eyes shift back to Mercedes...then back to Simply Luscious...to Mercedes again...then back to Simply Luscious...back to Mercedes...the tears seem to dissipate.)

Veronica: (noticing Sherry) Hey wait a second!  What are you...(Sherry approaches Mercedes) what are you up to?!

Sherry: Y’all want a partner, huh?!  (to Mercedes) How ‘bout you be my partner!  Let’s me and you team up and kick these gals’...(shuddering) kick these gals’...(sneers) ooooh...KICK THESE GALS’ BUTTS?!!!

(The crowd pops, but Simply Luscious nearly falls out laughing.)

Veronica: Now I’ve seen everything!  You really are a moron aren’t you?!  I mean...you REALLY think Mercedes would team with you against us?!

Sherry: Bu...but...I GOT MONEY!

Veronica: BAWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

(Both Vicky and Veronica continue to laugh as meanwhile...

Mercedes: Whatchu got, mami?

(Sherry’s eyes light up upon hearing Mercedes’ words.  She quickly begins digging into her pockets as Simply Luscious suddenly begins to realize what’s going on.)

Veronica: Now w-w-wait a minute, Mercedes!  You’re not actually considering this?! 

(The crowd begins to clamor as Sherry excitedly pulls out every dollar bill she can find and hands it over to the Latin Mercenary. Simply Luscious looks on intently while Mercedes counts the money.)

RS: Can you believe what we’re seeing here, Dave?!

DD: Hell no! Sherry Bop makes the first intelligent decision she’s ever made in her life...

RS: This thing just got interesting, folks!  It’s gotten VERRY interesting!

(Worried looks appear on the faces of Vicky and Veronica as Mercedes continues counting the money.  When she finishes, a smile forms on her face.)

Mercedes: $160...(snickers) small change.

(The crowd boos as Mercedes hands the money back to Sherry.  She begins to walk away, removing her gloves as she does so.)

Sherry: But...BUT WAIT!!! Can’t you just—

Mercedes: I’ve done my work for tonight; I’m off the clock.

(With that, Mercedes drops her gloves on the canvas and makes her way to the ropes, preparing to make her exit.  Before she can do so, Sherry rushes up from behind and grabs her arm. Mercedes turns sharply, going eye-to-eye with the teary-eyed young woman.)

Sherry: You don’t understand: this is all I ever wanted to do MY WHOLE LIFE!!!  Since I was 8 years old, all I ever wanted to do was wrestle; from the first time I saw it on TV! This whole UWA thing...it’s been a dream come true—AND DON’T YOU SEE???!  THEY’RE TRYIN’ TO TAKE MY DREAM AWAY FROM ME!!!!

(Sherry peers deep into Mercedes’ eyes seeking some smidgen of sympathy; unfortunately Mercedes remains unfazed. By now, Simply Luscious is growing impatient.)

Veronica: Enough of this sentimental crap! Either we’re gonna do this or you can forfeit—

Sherry: WAIT!

(Sherry reaches into her shirt and pulls out her heart-shaped locket, which she usually hangs on the ringpost before matches. She removes the locket from around her neck and moves it toward Mercedes.)

Mercedes: Look—

Sherry: It’s been in my family for 3 generations! (sniffles) My Gammy gave it to my momma and she to me before—

Veronica: I’M GONNA GIVE YOU TO THE COUNT OF 10...

Sherry: (to Mercedes) Please!

Veronica: 1...

Sherry: It’s sterling silver...

Veronica: 2...

Sherry: It’s gotta be worth somethin’!

Veronica: THR—

*THUD*

DD: HAHA!!!

RS: VICKY ATTACKING SHERRY FROM BEHIND!!! Sherry...poor Sherry just got blindsided by that forearm shot...and now look at this double team attack! Simply Luscious all over Sherry...

DD: Vicky saying “screw the count.” She took matters into her own hands!

RS: And unfortunately this looks to be the end of Sherry Bop!  She’s all alone here!  Her partner has been taken out!  She made a last ditch plea to Mercedes Martinez; THAT was unsuccessful!  And now—

(Referee Stephanie Jenkins pleads with Simply Luscious to back off from Sherry Bop, but his pleas fall on deaf ears.  Unbeknownst to them, Mercedes Martinez has picked up Sherry’s locket and is examining it closely. She glances over at the fracas before her and smiles before tucking the locket into her back pocket.)

RS: What’s this now?! Mercedes with that locket of Sherry’s...

DD: What’s she doing, Rosie?!

RS: I dunno!  Simply Luscious still doing a number on Sherry as—

DD: Uh oh!

RS: THE GLOVES!!! MERCEDES RETRIEVING THE GLOVES!!!

(Indeed; the crowd pops BIG as Mercedes picks her gloves up off the mat and puts them back on.  After taking a moment to crack her knuckles, she approaches Simply Luscious from behind and, taking both women by the hair, FLINGS them to the canvas!  The crowd erupts as an incredulous Veronica rises to her feet...ONLY TO EAT A BIG BOOT FROM MERCEDES!!!  Vicky rises shortly thereafter, but gets sent to the floor via a Martinez right hand!!)

RS: MERCEDES ATTACKING SIMPLY LUSCIOUS!!! MERCEDES JUST CAME TO THE AID OF SHERRY BOP!!!

DD: Damn it, Mercedes!!!  What are you doing?!?!

RS: It looks as if Mercedes has accepted the locket as collateral!  The Latin Mercenary is in the pocket of Sherry Bop, and look at Sherry, Dave; SHE CAN’T BELIEVE IT!

DD: I can’t believe it either!  What is wrong with you, Mercedes?!?!?

(Simply Luscious huddles on the arena floor while in the ring, Mercedes comes face-to-face with her benefactor. Overjoyed by the sudden turn of events, Sherry rushes to Mercedes with open arms, her attempted hug countered by a Martinez stiff arm. Mercedes then nods Sherry’s way before taking her by the hair and rushing towards the ropes.)

DD: WAIT A MINUTE—

RS: OH MY GOODNESS!!!! MERCEDES...SHE JUST LAUNCHED SHERRY OVER THE TOP ROPE AND ONTO SIMPLY LUSCIOUS!!!

DD: What the hell has gotten into her, Rosie?!

RS:  I think that was teamwork!  Mercedes using...well...I guess her partner’s body to take out Simply Luscious on the floor, and it looks like we’ve got a match on our hands, folks!  Sherry Bop and Mercedes vs. Simply Luscious!  Sherry with Veronica...rolling her into the ring—

Women’s Tag Team Titles: Simply Luscious (c) vs. Sherry Bop and ???

Ding Ding Ding!!!

RS: IT’S OFFICIAL!!!  The match is on!  The match is on, and Veronica doesn’t like it one bit!

DD: She ain’t the only one!

RS: Veronica going face to face with Mercedes Martinez...so often has Simply Luscious used Mercedes as hired muscle, Dave, and now the tables have turned!

DD: They can still turn back!  It’s not too late, Mercedes!  It’s not too—

RS: OH!! SHERRY FROM BEHIND WITH THE SCHOOLGIRL...1...2...TH—NO!!!  Ronnie able to kickout!  Veronica had her attention on Mercedes...Veronica to her feet again—AND SHE TAKEN OVER ONCE AGAIN!! 1...2...

DD: Kickout—

RS: OH SHE DOES!!!!  Veronica...twice nearly coughed up those titles here in the early going as Sherry begins to hammer away with those rights!  Veronica is reeling here...Irish whip—NO!  Reversal by Ronnie—BUT LOOK AT SHERRY HERE!!!  Bop able to put the breaks on and slide through the legs—

DD: WHAT THE—

RS: OH MY!!! PUMPHANDLE INTO A PINNING COMBINATION...BROKEN UP BY VICKY AT 2!!!  Another nearfall for Sherry as...hey wait a second!  Vicky stomping away—

DD: Yeah!  Stomp the hell outta her, Vicky!

RS: Vicky, the illegal woman in the match doing a number on Sherry here...referee Jonathan admonishing her—

DD: And notice there’s no Mercedes to help out!  What’s that about?!

RS: I...I dunno!  Mercedes and Sherry...obviously not regular partners!  Actually this is the first time they’ve teamed up, as now both members of Simply Luscious have Sherry here!  The challenger on her feet...double team Irish whip by the Champions...double clothesling—BROKEN BY THE DOUBLE KNEES OF SHERRY!

DD: Oh...LOOK OUT—

RS: SHERRY BOP...SPRINGBOARD CROSSBODY TAKES OUT THE CHAMPS!!!  Simply Luscious is in trouble thanks to Sherry Bop, and this crowd is rocking!

DD: I’ll give her credit, Rosie!  That chick is like a cockroach that just won’t die!

RS: This crowd is white hot for Sherry as referee Jenkins finally gets Vicky out of the ring!  Sherry—

Veronica: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!!!

RS: What’s this?!

DD: Oh no, Rosie!  Veronica’s been hurt!

RS: Yeah, we’ve seen this before!  Veronica begging off from Sherry...holding that arm...Sherry Bop with a look of confusion on her face!  Sherry...apparently not sure whether or not to attack Veronica...

DD: And this is exactly why she doesn’t belong here in the UWA! You don’t show mercy when you’re fighting for championships...hell, she’s fighting for her career...SEE!!!

RS: OH!  Ronnie able to sucker Sherry in with that leverage move!  Sherry sent headfirst into the Simply Luscious corner, and now look at both women go to work!!  Vicky and Veronica once again...referee Jenkins once again having to step in and get some control here...

DD: And notice once again that Mercedes Martinez didn’t lift a finger to help out!

RS: Mercedes...she’s done nothing to aid her partner since the bell sounded!  You have to wonder whether or not Sherry made the right choice in a partner, as Vicky’s tagged in here.  Snap mare by Veronica on Sherry...Vicky—VAULTS INTO THE RING WITH THE SOMERSAULT LEG DROP! Referee with the count...only 1 on Sherry!

DD: Y’know from the sound of things, Rosie, I think we’re actually starting to see eye-to-eye on this Sherry chick!  Do you agree with me that she’s a complete idiot?!

RS: NO!  Sherry...(sighs) Sherry’s a nice girl from a small town...possibly a little naïve...sometimes I wonder if she has the killer instinct to make it here in the UWA!

DD: No, what you mean is she doesn’t have the brains!

RS: NO THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEAN!!!  Sherry Bop... Vicky with Sherry in the center of the ring—HAMMERING AWAY—OH!  BUT SHERRY...Sherry from her knees…firing those right hands to the abs—OH!!!  Big boot right to the head by Vicky!  Sherry is down and now watch Vicky here… wheelbarrow—

DD: Oh man!

RS: Sherry Bop just planted...face first—

DD: This is it!  Say goodnight to Sherry—

RS: Cover...hook of the leg—NO!  Sherry Bop out after two!  Sherry Bop...what resilience on her part, as Veronica...from the apron looking somewhat surprised!

DD: She shouldn’t be, Rosie!  The chick is obviously too dumb to quit!

RS: Vicky with Sherry by the hair…Irish whip sends her hard to the buckle!  Vicky now…the tag made in to Veronica…and look at this here!  Vicky stomping away at the midsection…GET HER OUTTA THERE REF!  Both Vicky and Veronica in there…with Sherry here…OH!  Double team Suplex on Sherry Bop…and Veronica…

Veronica: WHO’S THE BEST?!?!?! (Crowd boos)

DD: HAHA!  It you!  You know it’s you!

RS: Veronica celebrating a bit prematurely here…she’s actually getting up in Mercedes’ face!  Can you believe—

DD: LOOK OUT, RONNIE!  LOOK OUT!!!

RS: Oh—SHERRY FROM BEHIND!  Sherry…O’CONNOR ROLL!  SHOULDERS ARE DOWN…2…OH!  Veronica able to kickout—BUT LOOK AT SHERRY!  SHE’S CRAWLING FOR THE TAG—

DD: Stop her Ronnie…YEAH!

RS: Veronica with that ankle of Sherry Bop!  Sherry desperately trying to claw her way to that corner…nothing doing as Veronica brings her over to the Simply Luscious corner, where the tag is made to Vicky!

DD: And again, Rosie, notice how Mercedes didn’t lift a finger to help out Sherry Bop there!  Look at her!

RS: Mercedes Martinez…the stone-faced Latin Mercenary!  One can only wonder what’s running through her mind as Vicky…good God!  Bridging chancery applied by Vicky here—

DD: Listen to her scream! HAHA!

RS: Sherry Bop…these fans trying to get behind her…trying to will her outta this hold!

DD: Please!  These idiots are dumber than that damn Sherry is!  She’s finished!  C’mon Vicky!

RS: Things certainly not looking good for Miss Bop!  Vicky has her now; front facelock now applied! Vicky with Sherry on her feet—SNAPS HER OVER!  Sherry’s body bouncing off the mat thanks to that suplex, and now there you see Vicky here!  Taunting Mercedes…

DD: They’ve got everything perfectly in hand, Rosie!  Perfectly in ha—AHH!!!

RS: OH MY!  SHE WENT FOR THE MOONSAULT AND GOT KNEES!!!!  The standing moonsault doesn’t pay off, AND NOW LOOK AT SHERRY!!! ONCE AGAIN SHE’S MAKING HER WAY TO THE CORNER—

DD: Stop her, Vicky!  Stop her!

RS: Vicky hurt those ribs, as there you see Sherry…SHE’S ALMOST THERE!

DD: Damn it, Vicky!  Stop her…YEAH!

RS: Oh…Vicky lunging for her at the last second!  Simply Luscious once again able to stop Sherry Bop from making the tag!  Vicky now…with Sherry on her feet—HARD right hand by Vicky…SHERRY RESPONDS!

DD: Damn it, Vicky—YEAH!

RS: Vicky fires back—BUT SHERRY AGAIN!  Vicky and Sherry…slugging it out and—SHERRY’S GETTING THE UPPER HAND!  VICKY’S BEEN ROCKED! Sher—OH!  Drop toehold by Vicky…into the STF…modified version—

DD: Hey look at Ronnie—HAHA!!! DID YOU SEE THAT?!?!

RS: She got Mercedes…Mercedes just knocked from the apron with that elbow from Ronnie—AND SHE NAILS SHERRY RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH THAT DROPKICK!!!  Right in the damn face—

DD: Did you hear that?!?!

RS: Sherry’s hurt, Dave!  Sherry…her face exposed thanks to that STF—AND IN COMES MERCEDES NOW!  Mercedes into the ring…she’s got the attention of the referee…AND LOOK AT SIMPLY LUSCIOUS TAKE ADVANTAGE!!!  Simply Luscious…we’ve got a 2-on-1 situation against Sherry here—

DD: And it’s all because of Mercedes!  What I tell ya, Rosie? Mercedes don’t give a damn about Sherry Bop!  She’s got what she wanted outta the situation and she’s probably satisfied! She doesn’t want a thing to do with her…Look at her!

RS: Mercedes…that unchanging coldness in her eyes, Dave…just calmly stepping out to the apron, as Sherry Bop…the damage has been done!

DD: Yeah and her career is gonna be done in just a few moments Rosie!  Are you ready??!

RS: Veronica sure looks ready!  That big smile on her face…that extra bounce in her step—

DD: Of course, Rosie!  It’s like a Christmas miracle!  Look at that!

RS: Hard stomp to the back of the head of Sherry Bop!  Ronnie…

DD: She’s looking like a boxer in there. Look—

RS: Another stomp to the head!  Ronnie…in complete control! Veronica measuring Sherry again here—OH GOD!!!

DD: RIGHT IN THE FACE!!!

RS: RIGHT IN THE DAMN…SHERRY’S HURT!

DD: Damn right she’s hurt!  Trinity may have a new hospital mate after that one…SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS!

RS: This crowd letting Simply Luscious hear it as the referee here…Stephanie Jenkins trying to keep Veronica back!  Sherry Bop…unfortunately writhing in pain on the canvas!

DD:  C’mon…quit protecting her, Jenkins; this has been a long time coming! 

RS: Stephanie’s concerned about the wellbeing of Sherry…refusing to allow Veronica to approach…Sherry’s pointing to her nose here…

DD: And I can’t believe this, Rosie!  We could be seconds away from never having to see that little skanklette again, but this damn le—OH HO!!! THERE YA GO!!!

RS: DOWN GOES JENKINS! VERONICA JUST SHOVED HER DOWN—

DD: Right on that powder puff ass of hers! 

RS: The ref is down, and now Veronica’s…oh…stalking Sherry!

DD: Damn right!  Nothing can stop us now!  Say goodbye to—

RS: OH SHERRY! 

DD: WAIT A MINUTE!!!

RS: SHERRY WITH THE DOUBLE LEG TAKEDOWN!!!  Sherry with Veronica—

DD: SHE WAS PLAYING POSSUM!  SHE WAS PLAY—AHHH!!

RS: OH MY!!!  SHERRY…SLINGSHOT OVER THE TOP ROPE!!! VERONICA TO THE ARENA FLOOR, AND…I THINK YOU’RE RIGHT DAVE!  Sherry Bop—

DD: Of all the lowdown, no good, rotten things I’ve seen in my life…

RS: Sherry...she just took a page outta Simply Luscious’ book!  Sherry feigning the injury to gain the advantage, and now she’s home free, Dave!  Veronica on the outside…Sherry crawling for tag—

DD: Do something, Vicky…YEAH!

RS: Into the ring comes Vicky…damn it—SHE’S GOT THE ANKLE!!! VICKY WITH BOP BY THE ANKLE—OH!  Sherry tried to boot her away, but Vicky held on!  Vicky with the leg of Sherry Bop…Sherry—OH!!! THE KIP UP!!!  1-LEGGED KIP UP—AND AN ENZUIGURI TO VICKY!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?!?

DD: But she’s still gotta make the tag!  She’s—

RS:  Veronica’s headed back into the ring!!!  Sherry’s right there!!! She’s—

DD: HAHA!!!

RS:  VERONICA FROM BEHIND KNOCKING SHERRY INTO THE CORNER!!!

DD: Into Mercedes’ corner!!!  She didn’t make the tag!!! HAHA!

RS:  Mercedes not making the tag…Veronica all over Sherry Bop in her own damn corner…I can’t believe—

DD: HEY!!!

RS:  MERCEDES HIT RONNIE!!! MERCEDES HIT RONNIE!!!!

DD: What in the world??!?!

(The crowd pops big as Mercedes floors the Simply Luscious member with a hard right hand.  She levels a cold, dark gaze at the fallen Veronica before extending her hand forward and slapping Sherry on her shoulder)

RS:  Mercedes has just tagged herself in, Dave!  Mercedes is the legal woman in this match!

DD: Now c’mon, Mercedes…you can’t…

RS: Veronica…the look in her eyes says it all…

DD: Damn it, Ronnie—GET AWAY!!! OH!

 RS: Mercedes with the boot to the midsection…HARD RIGHT HAND SENDS RONNIE TO THE CANVAS!!!  Veronica on her feet here…Irish whip sends her in…Mercedes floors her with a clothesline!

DD: Watch Vicky!

RS: Vicky into the ring…THE KICK IS CAUGHT!!!  Vicky went for a kick and got caught…uh oh!

DD:  Oh my god, No!  Not this…not—

RS: OH MY…CRADLE SUPLEX!!!  Vicky just dumped on her head!!!  Vicky is down…but now look at Veronica here!  Veronica attacking from behind!

DD: You see that, Rosie?!  That’s the spirit of a champion right there!  The spirit of a champ—AHH!!!! 

RS: My God!  Ronnie went for the springboard bulldog and got dumped right down onto her partner!!!!  Vicky is hurt…Vicky is hurt, and watch Veronica!  Mercedes with a boot to the midsection…she has her hooked here…

DD: NOOO!!!

RS:  FISHERMAN’S BUSTER!!!!  WE’VE GOT NEW CHAMPIONS RIGHT HERE!!!! MERCEDES WITH THE COVER…1…2…3…C’MON REF!!!!  The official’s busy trying to get Vicky outta the ring!

DD: Well…woman’s gotta do her job, y’know?!

RS:  Mercedes had this thing won, and now…what’s this here?  Mercedes now has Vicky…Vicky still out of it after that suplex—AND SHE GETS TOSSED TO THE OUTSIDE!!!  Vicky with a rough landing on the outside…

DD: Should I go over and see if she needs a massage?

RS: No, you stay right here, Dave!  Mercedes…with Veronica now…by the arm!  Veronica on her feet…shoulderblock into the arm…another!  Mercedes perhaps softening her up for that cross armbreaker—

DD: OH!

RS: SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINE PUTS RONNIE ON THE CANVAS!  Ronnie just nailed with that clothesline, as Sherry here…from the apron…is she asking to be tagged back in?

DD: Idiot!

RS:  Sherry’s asking Mercedes for the tag, and it looks like Mercedes is gonna oblige her!  Mercedes with the arm of Veronica yet again, bringing her to her feet, and now—

Veronica: AHHHHHHHH!!!

RS: Winding up on the arm wringer is Mercedes!  The Latin Mercenary…bringing Veronica back to the buckle…where the tag is made!  In comes Sherry Bop!  Sherry Bop…she’s headed up top, Dave!  Sherry preparing for a spectacular entrance!  Mercedes still with the arm of Veronica—

DD: Look out—OH!

RS: AND SHERRY…THAT DOUBLE AXEHANDLE RIGHT DOWN INTO THE INNER ELBOW!!!  Veronica is down!!!  Veronica is hurt, and listen to this crowd!  The tide is firmly in the favor of Sherry Bop!!!  The momentum is on her side!  The—

Veronica:  WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!!!

RS: Oh c’mon!  Veronica…once again holding that arm!  Veronica once again feigning the injury and Sherry…hesitating again!!!  She’s hesitating again!

DD: I told ya Rosie!  She’s an idiot!

RS:  Veronica begging off…don’t tell me she’s gonna blow this advantage!  Simply Luscious was on the run--

DD: Wait a minute…watch Vick—OH!!!

RS:  OH VICKY!!!  Vicky into the ring and she caught a Sherry Kick!!!  Vicky is down but—Veronica…schoolgirl—COUNTERED SHERRY!!!  Veronica’s shoulders are down…2…3!!!! SHE GOT HER!!!

DD: NO!!!

Ding Ding Ding!!!!  **Cue Sherry Bop’s Music

Announcer: Here are your winners…and NEW UWA Women’s Tag Team Champions…MERCEDES MARTINEZ AND SHERRRRYYY BOP!!!!!

DD: No, no, no!  No!

RS:  Yes!!!  Sherry Bop…her career is intact, Dave, and listen to this crowd!  We’ve got brand new Women’s Tag Team Champions!!!!  Sherry Bop and…of all people, the Latin Mercenary!  Dave…I…I can’t believe it!

DD: Well if you believe nothing else, you need to believe that that was nothing more than a grade A FLUKE!!!  A FLUKE, Rosie!!!

RS: Call it what you will, but you can’t deny that we’ve got new Women’s Tag Team Champions!!!  Sherry and Mercedes, and the look on the face of Veronica says it all!

(The crowd is going crazy in the background while on the floor, a seething Veronica is tending to her partner.  Meanwhile, Sherry Bop has tears in her eyes as Stephanie Jenkins hands her one of the title belts to a thunderous ovation. Stephanie then helps her to her feet, at which point Sherry comes face to face with Mercedes)

RS:  What have we got here, ladies and gentlemen!  Sherry and Mercedes…the new Champions…eye to eye in the center of the ring! 

DD:  Mercedes, if you break her arm now, we can just forget this whole incident ever happened!  We can go back to the way things were!

RS: Will you stop it?!

(With tears of joy streaming down her face, Sherry extends her hand to Mercedes, an attempt to thank her.  Still expressionless, Mercedes merely removes her gloves, at which point she hands it over to Sherry, and without saying a word, she takes her Championship belt and exits the ring.)

RS:  Oh…Mercedes Martinez…with…I guess a job well done for her!  Just what type of champions she and Sherry Bop will be remains to be seen, but for now…what a moment!  Sherry Bop making her own Christmas miracle by walking out a Champion!  A sign that dreams can still come true!  Fans…for Delaware Dave, this is Rosie Sanchez saying so long from Houston!!!   

© 2005 UWA Productions, Inc.